Retribution X: Protests and Scott's pants
by Anything but ordinary3
Summary: Retribution X are back this time the morning after the night before. Antics include Professor X's pants as a flag and several 'sit ins'
1. It begins

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the X-men or songs in this fanfiction (except Mel, Ash, Kat and Ev) so please don't sue!! 

Oh and please review, I know this isn't as good as number 1 in the series but number 3 is much better and will be posted depending on how many reviews I get. So if you love it or hate it let me know!! Nuff said!

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**Retribution X and the curious caper of the sushi bar and the disappearance of Scots pants!**

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****

# = psychic communication

#Logan, Ashley I believe there's something's in my room that belongs to you, please come here and collect them#

I groaned bloody professor is crack of friggin' dawn, sparrow's bloody fart; I looked at my watch, its 11:30 in the morning. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my dressing gown and plodded dizzily to the door.

The Professor lent up in bed, he knew something had spooked the girls last night however he hadn't faced probing the minds of 4 hormonal teenage girls but not any old teenage girls, Retribution-X teenage girls. He felt that the time had come to get some answers and felt it his duty to probe the mind of the most innocent of the 4 and also the easiest target Kat, who he could hear still snoring softly.

'The first thing I'll check is her dreams they may give me an indication of what it was with out me having to plunge into the murky depths of her mind.

#I want puppy # 

'Okay so maybe the girls dream was a bit confused, I'll try again' the professor thought

#I WANT A PUPPY! … But Kittens are really fuzzy#

At that moment he was interrupted by the crash of his door as it was flung open.

As I left my room after hastily tying up my hair (no one in the mansion had _ever seen it down) I couldn't help but notice the room was very quiet and very tidy (well as tidy as a room can be with 3 inhabitants who's idea of cleaning a room was to sweep it with a glance)._

As I approached the Professor's door I met Logan who gave me a hostile glare and flung open the door. 

'Nice to know the guy doesn't harbour grudges' I thought.

As I walked in I couldn't help but notice that the Professors dressing table was different. On closer inspection it seemed that there was sum kind of fort made of old sheets under it complete with flag (at least that's what I think the old pair of greying Y-fronts with professor X's name sown on attached to what appeared to be Remy's 'pole' was supposed to be).  I also noticed that the wheelchair was still humming and trying to crawl forward from last night but I ignored it as the Prof didn't seem to notice.

"I like what you've done with the place Chuck" Logan commented sardonically.

"If you please" indicated for me to draw back the door of the fort.

Suddenly a high pitched voice that could only belong to one person screamed shrilly "ARRGGHHH…HE'S COME TO FINISH THE JOB" Kat.

All of a sudden the once serene and calm room broke into activity. 

Me laughing "No wonder the room was so quiet this morning, you lucky gits I was freezing my nut's off in our room" then staring pointedly at Wolverine.

Wolverine in turn was staring pointedly at the group of girl squashed under the dressing table and yelling "So you little shits think your funny huh? Well let's see how funny this is!" Snickt "Yeah I'd scream too but your gonna be screamin' a whole lot more when I've finished with ya"

The girls were screaming and clinging to each other and professor looked well like he always does.

I thought for a moment as Logan yelled something about not hiding forever before yelling at them myself "YOU TRAITORS I SCARIFICED MY LIFE TWICE FOR YOU LAST NIGHT AND ALL YOU DID WAS RUN AWAY AND LEAVE ME WITH EL…TO PICK UP THE PIECES!!" 

The girls got up and ran away 

"HEY!! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING GET BACK HERE AND IT'LL BE OVER QUIKER!!" Me and Wolverine yelled at their retreating bodies with the respective sounds of ZZZZzzzz and Snickt.

**Back in the Girls Bedroom**

"We've got to meet Elvis down in the danger room in 10 so shift your sorry little butts" I snarled at the traitors as I burst into the room.

Jubilee had the audacity to smirk while the others at least had the decency to look embarrassed. However I do feel that its fair to say that no one escaped the retribution of a hangover from last nights activities, mine it seems was not so violent due to the whole sick incident, ohhh that reminded me that I should avoid Storm today. 

"But it's our day off!!" Jubilee protested

"Correction it was going to be our day off until you decided to piss off Logan" I shot back

"Hey I wasn't the one who yelled 'Antagonise him he can't get us!'" Jubilee pointed out, but I chose to rise above it and be the mature one by ignoring her. 

**Mansion Hallway**

"What's this is in my potted plant?" Ororo said holding her nose

I blushed "You see the thing is Storm I saw the Professor be sick in it, but the Professor seemed really touchy when I mentioned that he might be ill." I smiled as a brainwave hit me at full force "And you see the thing is I saw him do something a lot worse by Scott's shoes but the Prof. seemed so upset about it I decided not to mention it. You know I didn't want to embarrass him" I added with my best good girl face on.

"Yes if it upset him that much I will not mention it either" Storm said mildly "But if I ever catch hi doing it, the Professor will feel the full force of the weather goddess!"

 ****

**An hour later in the Danger room**

"Ya think that was bad wait till I see what you've got to do next" 

"If I didn't know better I would have thought you were enjoying this" I accused him feeling sick again.

"Well now Sparky you've just earned yourself an extra 5 laps in your run!"

"But…"

"10"

"You..."

"15"

I was starting to see a pattern and decided to give up.

"You know what I'm not taking this any more" Jube's screamed "I'm tired and I'm sick and I'm going to go see Prof X…"

"And tell him what exactly" Wolverine smirked

"That…I'll tell him that…that your being mean" She said as she stomped out with the rest of us hot on her heels.

**Prof. X's Study**

"What exactly do you expect me to do" He said using visible effort to remain calm

"Tell him to stop being mean" Kat squeaked close to tears.

"Or better still get us a new personal tutor" Jubilee put in.

"I'm afraid I can't do that" The Prof. said evenly

"Then we ain't leavin' buddy" I spoke up

"We aren't?" Evelyn whispered in my ear

"Just agree"

**10 Minutes later.**

"_Im__ henry the 8th I am, henry the 8th I am, I am_

_I got married to the widow next door,_

_Shes__ been married 7 times before_

_And…."_

#Hank your assistance is needed immediately in my study# 

"You might want to try isolating your psy message to just Hank instead of projecting it to all of us" Mel helpfully pointed out.

"You called Prof X" Came the dictionary…sorry Beasts voice from the door.

"Yes, thank you Hank I would like you to escort these young ladies from my study immediately" 

"Why they don't seem to be causing any trouble" Hank replied as we looked at him with round innocent eyes.

"They are staging a sit in, in my study!!" came the Professors reply.

So he was starting to crack!!

"Yes but Professor aren't you always informing them of the superiority of controlled opposition as opposed to violence"

"What he said" Kat said not having understood anything past the word 'but'.

"I give them my full support" Hank smiled a toothy grin "Is there anything you need girls"

"A guitar" Ev piped up.

"Consider it done my young friend"

The professor rested his head in his hands and sighed mumbling something about 'going to be a long day'.

**5 Minutes later**

_"Wolverines a Jerk _

_And he makes us over work_

_When all we wanna do is shirk" _

Jubilee sang as she strummed random notes on the guitar giving the effect of a monkey with a guitar (no one could play it except Evelyn) she then passed the guitar to Kat who strummed the guitar in the same manner as a fingerless monkey.

_"Professor X is mean…_

_An…__And his heads got a sheen_

_And his underwear aint clean"_

She smiled triumphantly as she passed the guitar to her left to Mel.

_"The five of us like Beast,_

_ he's a sensitive artiste,_

_Our respect for hims increased"_

"Do I have to?" I asked as the guitar got passed to me sigh

_"And nobody here likes Jean,_

_She walks around like she's a queen,_

_Has anybody got caffeine?"_

Now it was Ev's turn who strummed a silky soft tune and sang in a husky voice

_"There's never been a man like Scott,_

_He thinks he's such a big shot,_

_But I think he's lost the plot!"_

We looked at the Professor who didn't seem amused. 

"Okay Girls who wants to sing Henry the 8th again?" Jubilee asked

"Okay, Okay! Have it you way I'll get you another tutor just don't sing that…wretched song"

#This means WAR#

"Umm…Professor your projecting your thoughts again!"

**An Hour Later in Professor X's study**

"I'm sure your all anxious to know who your new teacher is" The Professor said (was that a smirk I noticed on his face?)

The 5 of us sat with images of our new best friend the Dictionary being our teacher, Rogue (ok she had her hands full of our rivals otherwise known…well by us, as the tarts), Remy may be good (what a great teacher he would be rewarding us with drinking sprees) or even Kurt, none of us, I repeat none of us was ready for what came next.

"As you are aware we are short of faculty staff, hence why you had Logan in the first place, I've decided you need two teachers who will both work with you on a part time basis." The look on the professor's face could not be mistaken.

"No not that surely not that!" I thought aloud "What kind of monster are you"

"Scott, Jean come out and meet you new class"

At that point all of Retribution X did what any sane person would do and began clawing at the door in the manner of an insane caged rat. When we realised escape was futile we turned round and stared angrily at our tormentor.

Everyone looked at each other and asked "What have we done?"

Everyone that is except Kat who asked "What kind of Monster have we created?" 

Then she blushed and added "Sorry wrong conversation"

Scott stepped forward and spoke "Hello as many of you are aware I am Mr Summers and this is my wife Mrs Grey-Summers." He paused surveying the situation as he might if he was about to launch into battle "I would like you to be aware that from now on Retribution X will be more then just a team we will be a family as well…"

Snore

I jabbed Jubilee sharply in the ribs, after all this whole boycott Wolverine thing had been her idea, and I was damned if I was going to let her sleep through the consequences.

"Now I don't know how things operated under Logan but me and my husband believe in the early to bed early to rise policy, so you shall be awoken at 5:30 approximately ready for an early morning training session at 6:00 sharp" Jean stopped and looked adoringly at Ken…sorry Scott.

"I'm not going to stand for this" Jubilee yelled and for the second time that morning stomped out of a room with us hot on her heels


	2. It continues

**For disclaimer see chapter 1**

Oh and please review.

**5 Minutes Later in the Mansions Laundry room**

"It worked once before and it'll work again." Jubilee informed us.

"Now all we've got to do is get rid of the people who clean the clothes" Ev pointed out.

"That's simple enough" Mel said as we all huddled toward her to listen to her plan.

"ARRGGGHHH!! The washing machines have a life of their own run…run to the hills" Screamed Mrs Laundry Lady.

I ran behind her and bolted the door behind her "Good work girls"

Ev and Jubilee came out from their hiding place behind the washing machine where moments earlier they had launched an attack on the poor unsuspecting workers. Evelyn had squirted them whilst Jubilee had rocked the machine while barraging the Laundry Lady with abuse about the quality of the washing powder. Bless we all knew the lady was proof that evolution CAN go in reverse but that was just ridiculous.

**An hour later**

_"I'm Henry the 8th I am…"_

**2 Hours later**

"I'm hungry"

"I need a wee"

"I'm hungry" 

"I need a wee"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP!?!" My patience with Jubilee and Kats whinging had come to breaking point "There's lots of soap powder left to eat and Kat, you can pee in the sink"

I looked at Kat who's cheeks were bulging with, if the tell tale sign of the foam dribbling down her chin was anything to go by, had already tried eating the soap.

"Jesus Kat has your slinky finally kinked" I asked

"Are you trying to say am I thick?" She asked confused soapy suds dribbling down her chin as she did so

"Yes!!"

"Well I'm not thick I was just doing as you said" she protested innocently

For the second time that day I decided not to get involved in their petty squabbles and rose above the situation as is befitting of the leader of Retribution X.

"Right Kat you come with me" I instructed

"Oh goody a trip" She squealed then added suspiciously "Where are we going? We're not going to tepee Elvis's room again are we?"

"No of course not!!" I replied innocently

"Good because that trip was scary, he had naughty videos in his room and he left the toilet seat up with the _thing_ floating in it"

"Where are you going?" Mel asked

"Well she's going to have a wee because I can't put up with her whinging anymore and I'm going for provisions, do NOT let anyone in?" I looked at them suspiciously "_Even _if they offer you muffins got it?"

 **The Kitchen**

We tried to remain inconspicuous, well as inconspicuous as you can be while humming the theme to mission impossible. 

"Can I take an orange" Kat asked

"No we need essentials" I said sternly "Grab as much chocolate as you can"

"What about cigarettes?"

"None of us smoke dumb-ass!"

"Oh right yeah I forgot" 

"Quick before some one comes then it up to the bedroom and awaaaaay"

**The Stairs**

We were now humming the James Bond theme…or at least attempting to it just kept somehow turning into Mission Impossible.

"I've got it, I've got it!!"

"No Kat that was mission Impossible again" I stopped quickly nearly dropping the chocolate I was carrying "Shhh…Someone's coming hide"

**Five Minutes later in the boys shower room**

"Do you think it's safe to come out now" Kat whispered

I was about to reply but at that moment the door opened, I slammed the door shut on our shower cubicle.

"Scott is that you" came Hanks voice

I cleared my throat "Umm yes it is" I said trying to sound like a pansy but probably failing.

"Not singing today then?" He asked

"No I've got a sore throat"

"Go on give us a verse"

'God is Hank tone deaf' I thought to myself it was a well known fact among the residents of the X mansion that Scott could not sing. 

"Well if you insist" I replied in my best Scott voice nudging Kat indicating that she should sing as she was the only other person in the whole mansion who could hold a tune as poorly as Kat.

"_At fi_rst I was afraid I was petrified__

_Thought I could never live without you by my side…"_

"What may I ask are you doing in here young ladies" I looked up to see Hanks blue fuzzy face peering over the top of the shower cubicle at us.

"How did you know it was us?" I asked

"For a start Kat is too good a singer to be Scott…" we both looked at him incredulously had he been listening to the same song as we had? "…although the song was spot on"

"Lucky guess!" Kat shrugged.

"And secondly last time I saw Scott he didn't have four feet!"

"That much of a give away huh?" I asked grimly

"May I ask what exactly you're doing in here? I thought you would be out celebrating the success of your campaign!"

"We would if Scott and Jean weren't Logan's replacements"

"Ah I sympathise with you, I know what it's like having Scott around, after all he is the leader of the X Men!"

**Girls Bedroom**

Hank had promised to keep our ware bouts a secret from the good family Summers, hence forth known as the Brady Bunch. He also promised that he and the good Priest Wagner would slip cookies down to us.

Me and Kat however where now packing large rucksacks full of the food and 3 days worth of clothes. I also grabbed my duvet and then we proceeded on the perilous journey down to the Laundry room.   

**Outside the Laundry room**

"Honey we're home!!"

"God it really was a jungle out there!"

"How do we know its you?" Came Evelyn's voice from behind the bolted door.

'I know' I thought giving the cogs in my brain a dusting 'lets check how well the follow orders'

"Let me in or else"

"Or else what" 

Good these kids were showing promise, I tried a different tack.

"I've got chocolate"

I heard mumbling from behind the door which sounded like "She said not to let people in for muffins, but she didn't say anything about chocolate"

Then "you may enter stranger!"

**The Next Morning**

"Ohh look there tumble dryer has a load of clothes in them" Ev pointed out

"Let's put the tumble dryer on see what happens" I suggested hoping secretly it was Scott's favourite suit and that we could shrink it.

"Houston we have a problem!" Mel said in her best (I.e. everyone else in the whole worlds worst) American accent

"What that?"

"Weeeelllllllllll….It appears that there is something obstructing the path of the hinge…."

"In English Mel" Jubilee said irritably

"Some things stopping the door from shutting" Mel responded huffily.

"Proceed with operation P.U.I.S." They looked at me puzzled I sighed did they know nothing "Poke Until It Shuts"

"Oh!"

**5 Minutes later**

"Is it meant to groan when you poke it?" Mel asked worried

"Keep doing it and see if it stops"

**6 Minutes later**

"Is it still groaning?" I asked

"Yes"

"Then it's time to up the Tempo, pass me that coat hanger"

We all crowded around the tumble dryer.

"Maybe it's a sign from God!" Evelyn said excitedly "Like the talking fish"

"The talking fish?!"

"Yeah it spoke to him and told him it was god!"

"Then what did he do?"  
"He chopped its head off!"

We poked the bundle of rags some more, only to hear that the groans were replaced by snuffles.

"It might be a hedgehog"

"Sorry to disillusion you Mel but Hedgehogs don't grow that big!"

"It might be a mutant hedgehog!"

"Like that would happen!"

"Beside we don't have Hedgehogs in America" Evelyn helpfully pointed out.

"Let's poke it with the hooky end of the coat hanger"

"!?"

"WILL YOU STOP POKING ME WITH A BLOODY COAT HANGER!!"

"Arrgghh…Kat what are you doing in the tumble dryer?" Jubilee asked

"It was warm" Kat said rubbing her eyes sleepily before shooting me an accusing stare "And SOMEONE wouldn't share their duvet!"

**A week later**

The team of Retribution X aided by Hank and Kurt (whose smalls Mel thrust herself forward to wash and no one argued) had successfully succeeded in bringing the Mansion to its knees. Word from above had it that Scott was wandering around in his underwear due to our refusal to wash anything without a bribe, and besides even if Scott and Jean did go against the Professors command (as if that would happen) and actually attempt to bribe us we wouldn't do it for them.

However after a week of being cooped up in the Laundry room we were getting fed up, hungry, irritated and…well smelly.

Knock Knock

"Who is it?"

"It's me Logan"

Kat cowered in a corner at the sound of his voice

"What do you want?"

"I've just come to say I've got soap"

Mel's ears pricked up and made her way to the door I jumped up trying to hold her back "Don't do it"

Mel looked at me pityingly "But we must we owe it to the F.O.H"

"Friends of humanity"

"Oh is that what it stands for?"

"Yes! Why what do you think it stood for?" 

"Friends of Hygiene"

I would have laughed but she made her way to the door, I tried to stop her but it was too late.

"AMBUSH!!"

The last thing I saw was Scott, Logan, Jean and Remy in what appeared to be dirty underwear before falling into a daze (well wouldn't you after seeing Scott in greying (and browning) Y-fronts that were way too tight.


	3. It ends

Please see chapter 1 for the disclaimer, oh, and don't forget to review!!

**Prank central (i.e. Scott's Classroom)**

I was sat at the back of the classroom and a far away from the Brady Bunch as I could be, to avoid any flashbacks and the devastating effects they could have on my nervous state. Everyone had a shot glass and a vodka bottle full of water on our desk. Scott and Jean eyed the bottles suspiciously but choose to ignore them.

"Today…." Scott began

"SPEAK UP YOUR MUMBLING" I yelled at him

"R..rrr..right"

We each took a shot of 'vodka'.

"Today lesson will be focusing on…"

"WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU!" I yelled

"Ww…Why don't you speak closer to the front" Scott stuttered 

We all took another 'shot'.

"I CANT I'M SCOUTING THE ROOM FOR ASSASINS" I yelled at him

"O…Okay."

Another 'shot'.

Jean stepped in (she was definitely Medusa at that moment) "Why do you keep taking shots of Vodka" she asked angrily.

Jubilee shrugged "It makes the lesson more interesting."

"Well can't you see that you're making poor Scott a nervous wreck?"

"FIRE! FIRE!" Kat screamed after setting her notebook on fire for the 3rd time in the last 2 days before running out of the room in a panic, needless to say we all ran out screaming. 

I hung back and looked at Scott accusingly "I know what you are and I'm biding my time!" I then ran after the others.

**In the kitchen 2 hours later.******

For the 2nd day in a row I put toast in the toaster without the toaster being plugged in "Bloody toaster, doesn't serve it purpose, should be punished" I mumbled under my breath after popping the normal bread out from the toaster.

"You know the toaster would work a lot better if you actually plugged it in!" Scott helpfully suggested from the doorway.

"YOU of all people should know the dangers o toasters. They are a fire risk and can not be trusted I would of thought you would of understood that after today's accident. Do you know how many people die from fire started by toasters?" I asked him angrily.

"You're right I'm sorry" Scott walked over to where Kat was making a bloodlike red milkshake and looked into the Hamsters cage next to her "Where's the Hamster?" He asked her.

She looked at him innocently "I was curious"

**The Girls bedroom**

"What the hell is that?" I said pointed at the offending item on the floor

"Jean brought it" Mel replied 

"What is it? Some kind of mechanical elephant?"

"No I believe it's a vacuum cleaner, to pick mess up of the floor"

"Ooohhhh!" Me, Kat and Jubes walked around it curiously yet cautiously

"Well I refuse to stay in the same room as…as…_THAT!!_" I announced as I looked at it in fear before storming out of the room.

**3 Hours later**

I poked my head cautiously around the bedroom door and looked at Ev who was betraying us by doing Scott's homework.

"Has it gone yet?" I whispered

"No"

I ran…I ran like the wind.

**The next day**

I opened the bedroom door a crack

"Psst! It gone!" I asked cautiously

"Yes Jean came in and fetched it this morning" Mel informed me without looking up from her book.

"Well in that case I think we should go out and celebrate" I announced

The girls all look up excitedly.

"I know a bar that will serve anyone even mutants" Jubilee announced triumphantly

"That settled then! But how are we going to get past the Brady Bunch" Evelyn asked

"Just leave that to your fearless leader!" I announced

"She didn't say that when the Hoover was in the bedroom" Jube's whispered to Mel

**In the Rec room**

I had been preparing for this moment ever since we got evacuated from the Laundry room. It was a ritual I repeated each evening when Scott came to watch over the younger children at play in the Rec Room. 

I sat with my collection of knives sharpening them never taking my eyes off of the fearless Cyclops, muttering under my breath "Soon, soon…then you'll be sorry" but not so under my breath that he couldn't here. However as I suspected he had reached breaking point.

"Ashley what are you doing?" 

I ignored him continuing to mutter "Soon…soon"

"Look how much money do you want?"

I stopped and glowered at him "How much you got?"

He emptied his wallet

"That'll do!" I said snatching the money "By the way we're going out"

"Good!" I heard Scott murmur.

"Now Mr Summers!" I said wide eyed "that wasn't very nice now was it?"

**Girls Bedroom**

I emerged fro the girl's bathroom rather pleased with the results. I wore my hair down for the first time since entering the mansion. I wore it on the side and I had applied dark make up around my eyes. Yes I certainly looked a lot older and in my tight fitting showing off my muscular legs I know I could rival the others (with maybe the exception of Mel) on the eye candy front.

"Christ Ash you look well older" Kat said drawing the group's attention to me

I suddenly felt self conscious this was the first time I'd dressed up to go out.

"Is it abit much?" I asked tentatively

"No way! All the guy's in the place will be around you like flies around shit." Jubilee exclaimed 

"Thanks…I think"

**The Jade Room (Cheap Sushi, Karaoke Bar)**

"OOOhhhh sushi, I like sushi!"

"Kat is it meant to furry" Too late "Oh well"

**A bottle of vodka each later**

We sat watching the fat Japanese waiters singing 'Tragedy' poorly.

"The only Tragedy is that they ever got up there to sing in the first place" I hissed at Mel who was wincing as they attempted to hit the high notes.

Kat on the other hand seemed to be enjoying herself having lighted the end of her fingertip she was waving the flame along to the song whilst _trying to sing along._

Once the Sumo wrestler types had finished singing Kat announced

"I'm going to sing." And before we could stop her she was gone

Kat launched into the most dreaded of the dreaded, the spice girls!! She even forgot the words and seeing as she couldn't see the screen in her drunken haze she improvised, that girl truly did have an intellect rivalled only by garden tools.

_"You have got to,_

_Push it,_

_Prod it,_

_Bake it,_

_Shake it_

_Who do you think you are?_

_Rake it,_

_ Ho it,_

_Wolvie__ knows it_

_Who do think you are?"_ __

I surveyed the room unsteadily at the bar a familiar figure was hunched hands over ears. I got up and approached him and could just make out his voice saying "My ears! Their bleeding"

**At the bar 5 minutes later**

After several of the regulars at the bar had Kat securely restrained at the opposite end of the bar from the microphone I approached Wolverine.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him

He looked up with his liquid amber eyes full of misery; at first I don't think he recognised me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked gruffly

"Having a quiet night out with friends, you?"

"You call that noise a quiet night out? Couldn't you stop her?" He asked in what I suppose I was meant to take as an angry tone.

**10 minutes later**

"Do you hear that?"

"What?!"

"Doesn't matter its gone now"

"Do you hear it now?"

"What?"

"Oh it's gone again"

**5 Minutes later**

"Do you hear that?"

"For the love of god Mel do I hear what?"

"Oh doesn't matter it seems to have shut up"

"!?"

**On the other side of the Bar**

I stared intently at the Lava lamp imitating its movements with my face

"What ya doing Sparky?"

"We…" I said indicating the Lava lamp "…have established a connection with the spirit world."

I sat and continued imitating the lava

"Oh by the way…." I remembered suddenly "…Grandma said hi"

**An hour later**

Jubilee was proceeding to find common interests with the lads on the table next to ours

"Are you on the witness protection programme to?"

Mel was taking photographs of random people with her new Polaroid and informing them "Did you know in some cultures it's believed that once you have a picture of someone you own their soul?"

Kat on the other hand was kindly treating the regulars in the bar to the Shari Lewis theme "_This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends...."_

 Suddenly realizing that she could never finish the song she got panicky and wrote '_Help Me!' _on a nearby beer mat before thrashing about in her chair while continuing to sing (well if that's what you'd call it).

Evelyn on the other hand had stuck a towel in the back of her collar in the manner of a cape and was 'flying' around the sushi section of the bar insisting that everyone call her 'Mighty Teen'

However it was just Retribution X that were fringing on the embarrassing everyone stopped what they were doing (Kat even stop singing) when a man came running out from the toilet genitalia on full view as he ran around urinating screaming at the top of his lungs "It wont stop!! It won't stop!"

Next to me I heard a familiar Schnickt and Wolverine mumble "I'll make it bloody well stop"

However before Wolverine could move the man stopped urinating causing him to look down and exclaim "Oh?" Before leaving the bar hastily.

**Two Hours later**

Kat finally realised that Logan was also present at the bar and hid in a corner whimpering and hoarding her sushi pile behind her.

However I felt a tap on my shoulder just as I was finishing giving some guy called Kevin my mobile number I turned round to see Kurt stood there looking at me sternly "Professor Xavier has sent me to come and fetch you all"

At that Wolverine who it seemed may have just consumed enough alcohol to bypass his healing factor pointed and laughed.

"I don't know vot you are laughing at Logan you've got to come as well"

Logan slapped his head "Doh!"

Mel on the appearance of the blue fuzzy one dropped what she was doing and ran over to him.

"Hey Kurt would you like a drink?"

He looked around cautiously "I really shouldn't"

"Go on elf" Logan interjected

"Well just one"

**Several Drinks later**

"Do you care to dance Melody?" Kurt asked blearily

"Well I don't mind if I do"   

**An hour later**

"Time to go home ladies and gents!" The bartender announced

"Come on the X Vans outside" Kurt informed us

Kat ran past exclaiming in her highest pitched voice "I'm a pixie!"

To which Kurt replied drunkenly "Really I'm an elf!"

**On the road with a drunken driver**

"Hail Mary, full of grace…"

"Umm…Kurt I ain't an expert on driving but I think you're meant to stop at red lights" Jubilee helpfully pointed out

_"Im Henry the 8th I am…_

_Henry the 8th I am, I am_

_I got married to the widow next door…"_

"Sing up Wolvie we can't hear ya"

"I feel sick" Kat warned us but to late she threw up smelly sushi sick all over Wolverine.

Snickt

"ARRRRGGGGHHH! HE'S TRING TO KILL ME….AGAIN!"

**Outside the mansion**

"Prop it up they'll never notice" I said wisely

_"Bob the Builder, _

_Can we fix it?_

_Bob the builder_

_Yes we can!!!"_

"Um…Wolverine why have you just cut a hole in the fence?"

"Now Chuck won't have to go to the fence to go out he can just wheel through the fence"

"Good thinking Batman"

"What did ya call me" Schnickt 

gulp "Nothing, nothing at all"

"That's what I thought"

"I'm Frrreeeeeeee!!" Mel spun around arms spread out wide "Ooaafff"

"Vud you like a hand up!" Kurt asked her holding out a 3 fingered hand which she took. Was it me or did they hold eye contact for longer then was necessary.

**In Professor X's study**

"We never behaved like this before you gave us the Brady Bunch as our tutor" Jubilee moaned at him "I mean who wouldn't drink to forget about them"

I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of Scott in his Y-fronts

"And if I reinstate Logan as your tutor you all promise to behave" the Professor asked fingers templed

"YES!" We all yelled in unison

**In the Danger room**

We all arrived at the danger room early for the first time in….well for the first time ever.

We heard the door open "SURPRISE" we all yelled as Logan walked through the door.

We were all wearing party hats and had streamers. Logan for his part looked embarrassed.

"What all this for?" He asked

"It's a celebration that we've got you back!" Jubilee said giving him a hug, which was copied by everyone except myself and Kat.

Kat eyed him suspiciously to see  if he'd gotten over the anger he felt at being covered in her puke, whereas I held out a hand and we shook hands, because one thing White Lightning ever did was display any emotion or any partake in any physical acts of touch (like hugging or kissing YUCK!)

"We're not starting our danger room session until you've eaten a piece of cake!" I informed him feeling awkward.

Kat came over to me and whispered "When are the strippers coming?"

When she got no answer from me she continued to walk around the room repeating the question over and over again.


End file.
